Guidelines for driving in Philadelphia

 

  1. When a red light changes to green, the first car will not go. It just won’t.
  2. Turn signals are only to be used when you don’t even intend to turn.
  3. It is customary for you to park your car in the right lane of traffic, even when the parking lane has ample room to pull over.
  4. The parking lane is for passing.
  5. The passing lane is for parking.
  6. No matter how long a car has stopped traffic, if anyone honks even once, that person is immediately obligated to flip you all off. And keep sitting there.
  7. It’s ok for you to endanger drivers in several lanes simultaneously if it means you can get even one car ahead in the traffic.
  8. When you are forced to merge, do not do so until the very last moment.
  9. SEPTA buses do not always stop at red lights. Sometimes, regular cars do not stop either.
  10. “One way” does not mean what you think it means.

Stay tuned for next week’s installment: Guidelines for parking in Philadelphia.

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